Today's tale comes from a different era. The college era (snr. high) where the education system in it's infinite wisdom, teaches young terrorists what chemical compounds do what. Enter "Bugs". Bugs loved to do crazy stuff with chemicals or building stuff that was...nuts.
Anyway, one day in Chemistry class, he discovers that ethanol is basically pure alcohol. 'Cool' was his response and the crazed look of a plan forming in his warped mind flashes briefly across his face.
Up comes Guy Fawkes day, and since we live in the country and the folks are away, what better time to have a huge bonfire, and drink ourselves into oblivion whilst thinking we're cool etc etc et. al.
Of course like any party, there is the punch, and like any party the punch needs to be spiked. So what does our host Bugs spike the punch with? You guessed it. Bugs had 'borrowed' a few bottles of ethanol from the chemistry lab, and added it to the communal bowl of drink.
Around the bonfire it went, each person who drank, screwed up their face and yelled, WTF is THAT! It, without a doubt was the most 1. potent and 2. foulest drink I've ever had in my life. But hey, we're poor college students so...alcohol is alcohol right? Well...that was my thought. The witches brew was placed inside and we all continued our semi drunk (it did have a hell of a kick) playing with the bonfire and setting off fireworks (skyrockets were aimed at Bug's pet possum which was frantically running from tree to tree).
I go inside and I see the witches brew, I look around and ... meh, whatever, and take a real good drink. (Yes, it was still mostly full). But for the love of God there is no way I could take another swig. In my now inebriated state, well, logic isn't the best. I figure, we have to get rid of this stuff before we all pass out and Bug's parents come back. Nobodies going to drink it so....pour it down the drain? Well, that's what a sober person would do I guess.
Bugs had a Labrador. Hmm, Jess, I think was her name. She was lovely by nature and Bug's really loved her. So he was happy when she gave birth to a litter of puppies. We all had fun playing with them since of course, puppies are cute, inquisitive and.....thirsty.....
Morning comes, we are all passed out outside, the parents are still gone, and us young revilers are coming to. I look around me and the punch bowl is beside me, empty. Everybody is like SHIT dude! You drank all that crap?
I'm like..."err, dunno, don't remember" Then from the other side of the house we can hear Bugs wailing "WTF is wrong with my puppies!" Over we stumble to the location of the issue and there it is, all the puppies, unable to walk in a straight line, and trying to pick up the ladies with cheesy pick up lines, all drunk as hell. Turns out, I didn't drink all that crap...the puppies did!
They recovered in due time, but the story remains as does the moral. Don't borrow ethanol!
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